God has been dealing with me for quite some time on trusting Him.
This year He told me, “Trust me or die.”
That was scary. I have been pressing in and He has been faithful to me. Trust is not just being bold and confident in the Lord. It is knowing the Lord is faithful, true, and trusting who He is –His character and attributes. He confirmed this with the evangelist at our church Sunday morning. He even gave me the list of His attributes. I almost laughed because two days prior God was teaching me not to test His character and power. But, I didn’t know "all" the character of God are. All I could name off the top of my head is that He is faithful, True, Provider, Deliverer, Savior, Friend. That is more of who he is, but was that his character? Almost everything listed was what I knew, but had not put together as the character of God: Independent (doesn’t need us), unchanging, eternal, unified/trinity, omniscient, omnipotent, wise, truthful, faithful to his own character/nature, standard of good, love, mercy, grace, patient, holy, jealous, wrath, infinitude (no boundaries), justice, unchanging.
I realize that I had the head knowledge and trusted God some, but not the heart that fully trusted God. I had a unbelief and doubt in my heart (Hebrews 3:12).
I have been un-yielded to following His whole plan for my life, my every day. I start my day with Him and in a sense leave Him to do what needed to be done (school or whatever is on the agenda). I would talk to Him when and if I needed assistance or to thank Him for something. He told me I that I was full of pride and I needed to stop and pray AND listen; I am to wait for instructions. I am to make it a habit like the air I breathe.
One morning God asked me, “Do you fear me?”. I stumbled over my answer, "Yes, no….yes?" Then, I looked the word/phrase in Greek. One of the meanings was “reverence for one’s husband” This is what jumped out to me. It made me excited to think of him that way. He made husbands different than wives –as you know. But to think of God this way….and with what I knew of His character: He makes no mistakes (ever), He supplies all my needs, He is always here, He corrects me when I need it, He loves me with an everlasting love, He is trustworthy, faithful, righteous, merciful, just…..(should be) head of this house (me) and has final say on all matters….He died for me, because He loved me and so that we could be together forEVER and enjoy each other for all of eternity. How could I not trust and fear him? How could I not admire and stand in awe of Him and His love for me?
Last Sunday, He told me, 'Serve'. So, I was asking if I needed to go help in the nursery or children’s church. 'No.' Confused I asked him to show me what He means. The next morning He lead me on a treasure hunt. He told me I am His possession, His treasured possession through Gen 5:10 and Ex 19:5.(I looked up the names because, I didn’t understand why he sent me Genesis.)
“…if you will indeed obey My voice and keep My covenant, then you shall be a special treasure to Me above all people; for all the earth is Mine.”
When I looked up covenant I saw that it is between God and man and alliance (friendship) and divine an ordinance with signs or pledges (which lead me to think of Jesus’ death and the words before he died in John 15:10-16)
If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love.
11 “These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full. 12 This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. 14 You are My friends if you do whatever I command you. 15 No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name He may give you.
Then to Romans 6 which reminds us obedience leads to righteousness and being set free from sin. We are to reckon (count, consider, meditate, decide on) ourselves dead to sin. Then we are to be slaves of righteousness if we have surrendered our life to Christ.
16 Do you not know that to whom you present yourselves slaves to obey, you are that one’s slaves whom you obey, whether of sin leading to death, or of obedience leading to righteousness?
11 Likewise you also, reckon yourselves to be dead indeed to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Something I’ve read about recently is that faith always resists acting in fear and waits for God to work. Faith is never willing to make something happen by going ahead of God. Faith waits for God. I John 5:4 tells us, “Whatever is born from God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has over the world (our) Faith.” In Jude we see:
20 But you, beloved, building yourselves up on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit,
21 keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life.
22 And on some have compassion, making a distinction; 23 but others save with fear, pulling them out of the fire, hating even the garment defiled by the flesh.
Someone else penned:
Every minute I send away from my Savior hardens my heart.
But I am reminded that we are not to be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind that you might prove what is the good, the acceptable and perfect will of God. (Romans 12:2) Also, that many will be offended in the last days. Offended means to stumble, cease to believe, distrust One who is worthy of complete trust. Jesus was talking with the disciples privately about the end times when he said:
And then many will be offended, will betray one another, and will hate one another. 11 Then many false prophets will rise up and deceive many. 12 And because lawlessness will abound, the love of many will grow cold. Mathew 24:10-12: (and blessed is he who is not offended because of Me (Mt. 11:7. lk 7:24)
However, like Jesus, we can pray that the saints that their faith would remain; that they would stand firm in Christ and not stumble or be offended (Lk 22:31-32 Jesus told Peter he had prayed for him).
So, today I’ve asked God to forgive me for being proud and doing things in my own strength. Once again, I’ve laid my life down at his feet and put on Christ. Not my will be done, but His. I trust him with all that I am and will walk in the way he leads me.